It's DA most wonderful time of the year!! Oh, to think, I have just finally gotten used to writing 2013 and now it's almost over! But it's Christmas, my favorite holiday in the history of the universe!!!!!!
And this one's special, isn't it?
It's truly a bitter-sweet Christmas. On the one hand, I have all the memories... the cooking, the wrapping, the carol singing, the praying. The whole celebration reminds me of the one person who started it all, who passed down the traditions, who is not around anymore...
And it hurts. We all want grandma to be here. It's amazing how I can look at the picture from last Christmas and see her, completely healthy, making tamales, embracing her grandchildren. And now she's not here. Yet I can feel her. She's here--I feel her presence during the rosary, the caroling, etc. She's around. It's hard, but at least we have that consolation.
With an aching heart, all I can do is remember, wipe the tears, and smile, knowing that she is having a blast up in heaven.
It's also a special Christmas because the distance that separated me from my family was shortened momentarily for the holidays. And being far puts everything in perspective. And it seems like it's all new. And it's freaking awesome.
Love... it's a funny thing, uh? Absence makes the heart grow fonder. The media, the culture of death tries to tell you what love is--and yet, deep down, we all know, WE ALL KNOW, what love really is. It's not a thing about satisfying your own desires, a selfish thing. It's a death. A death to your own wants and needs in order to give, to grant, to sacrifice. It's the wanting to give those people you love what they want, to see them happy. It's what the world would absolutely deem as madness. It's beautiful and holy and crazy. It's a small passion, a small crucifixion.
But the foolishness of God is wiser than man's wisdom.
A lot of stuff happened, it's true. Some died, others barely made it out with their lives, others got sick, others got healed, we lost a lot financially, we gained a lot spiritually. And through it all, it's God who remains the same: faithful, constant, loving.
Also... my week at home has really put things in the UK into perspective--and I can see that the greatest and most powerful reason for my going over there is the friends the Lord had reserved for me. You know who you are. You have shown me kindness, you have made me laugh, you have helped me in my journey of faith.
Ria--- Thank you for being you, mini dictator! You are a shining star and I love your self-confidence when you dance... remember life is God's great dance floor.
Anna--- you have the most wonderful laugh! Never change, you are a joy giver!
Irene--- keep on loving Mama Mary and trusting in Jesus. Love you, brownie!
Elena--- ah, you awesome girl you. God rejoices in you. I see Jesus in you.
Clare--- Wonder Woman! You are beautiful, smart, and faithful to the Lord!
Bhanu and Raja--- I love you guys. Thanks for taking care of me, for making me laugh so much, and being so... Indian! I will try to be nicer (can't make promises though).
Elizabeth--- I hope you know how utterly BEAUTIFUL you are, as made by Big G himself!!
And everyone else who is not mentioned here--- thank you for being a part of my new life!
And to all those here at home and back at my other home, you know what you mean to me!
Merry Christmas.
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