AN ITALIAN EXTRAVAGANZA: PART II

STILL APRIL 24TH, 2014 (WHAT A LONG-ASS DAY!)


ROME SWEET HOME!

The train ride was something else! Tuscany, you beautiful thing you! Got to Rome, got on the metro, and basically prayed the whole time I wouldn't get mugged. 

For this, I put on my 'I'm a local bitch' face!

Compared to all to other Italian women in the train I'd say I did fairly well! I got my travel safety mode:

bitch face
long strides
don't look at google maps
make your map invisible
don't look up and down streets
don't admire the city
wave vendors off like flies

be more Elsa, less Anna

 A very suspicious man got behind me but I caught on what he was trying to do--I didn't read Moll Flanders for nothing! So I stopped and got behind him. TAKE THAT, PICKPOCKET!

Got to the hotel, met with one of my uncle priests (priest uncles? Yeah, I don't know--and yeah, I got two, sue me).

Came to my room, met my roommates (all Mexican.... that's not racist at all, putting all the Mexicans together...)

Went to dinner, then came back to the room to battle with the stupid wifi.

APRIL 25TH, 2014

Got up early, carb-loaded at breakfast, and headed to St. Paul's Basilica.

the tomb of St. Paul

WOAH DUDE--most beautiful church I have ever seen. Had mass at St. Benedict's chapel. Prayed (and wept) at the tomb St. Paul, then went to the cloister next door where they have a room with basically relics from every saint imaginable: St. Matthew, St. Andrew, St. Bartholomew, St. Stephen, St. Benedict, St. Scholastica, St. Teresa, St. Therese, St. John Bosco, a bizillion popes.

OH, and the arm of St. Anne... a.k.a. Jesus' grandma. 

That arm held Jesus, you know.

After that we went to the Vatican Museum. WOOOOOOOOOOOOOAH, DUDE!
What can I say? Art, art everywhere. The Sistine Chapel (though hardly felt like a chapel, to be honest).

But here's complaining time: our tour group is made up of the oldest people imaginable. So everything must be slowed down. This means we didn't have as much time in the Vatican Museum as we were supposed to, so we had to skip the section with Rafaello's painting.

Not only were these people old and slow... they were also very whinny and rude. Like, seriously? It's a tour, what did you expect? No one warned you that you had to walk and walk for hours? Our tour of the museum was cut short 30 minutes because some of these people had to use the bathroom... again.

What did I do, you ask? Naturally, I ditched the group. I turned back and went to see Rafaello's paintings. Our tour guide waited for me outside the museum thinking I had gotten lost but eventually gave up and left. 

Sorry I'm not sorry, that is.

"WHAT IS SHE WEARING?"

And that is the last bit of writing I have on my diary, even though I was in Italy for a whole week afterward. Keeping records is not my forte--I live in the moment (LOL).

Let me see...

Hi, my roommate actually looked like me?!?!!?!?!?!?!?!?!!?!!?!? The resemblance was UNCANNY and frankly a bit scary. Made me question my origins... a lot. Hey, like... when you are the only sibling with 20/20 vision and curly hair, you ask questions...

Also, we went for an outing at night and got some yummy gelato with a bunch of other young Catholics from God knows where. One of them looked like Bradley Cooper (yes, I was crying inside).

Then I played a drinking game for the first time in my life, but I was so bad at it that I didn't actually get to drink at all.

Then the next day, we went to the Vatican. Laaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!

I got to pray at St. Peter's tomb, at John Paul II's tomb, at everyone's tomb!!

And after that, I paired up with a guy who was part of the tour to go see the Colosseum and, BEHOLD, the worst picture in the entire universe was taken:

I am not even sure how to explain this picture to you. There is a lady doing yoga. There is a couple who are confused about technology. There's half of the Colosseum. There's me with my Mexican Geordie flags, thinking this is going to be the best picture in the universe. You, sir, bad photographer---there is a special place in Purgatory reserved for you.

This picture just makes me feel like this:

That was my only shot at a picture with the Colosseum. I might never come back here. REALLY?

That evening, we headed off to the Vatican, to start the canonization madness! We knew people were going to start lining up to enter St. Peter's Square the next day since 5 p.m. that afternoon so a select group from the tour (the non-invalids) went to get in line.

Then we got to the Vatican, and I saw a hat stand, and I was looking at the pretty hats. Then suddenly I was lost. I lost my group. They left me by myself among thousands of people.

I prayed. I called people. No one answered me. I prayed some more. Nothing. I got angry with God. Then told him "JK, just help me find them". Then found a group of Mexican teenage girls and thought "I guess I could just follow them around and ask them to take me in". Then call people again. Nada. Then cursed my luck. Then did a countdown. Then prayed some more. Then another countdown.Then I just started walking, crying inside (and maybe a little in the outside too).

Then, by the grace of the Holy Spirit, I ran into them after like 30 minutes of frantically looking. They were heading up to a little church just outside the square. This church is ran by some nuns and they were hosting groups from their congregation that were coming from all over the world. And since it was raining and my sneaky priest uncles didn't want to brave it out in the rain (and since this church was much closer to the square than where the actual line started), we totally sneaked into the church and spent the night there with the nuns and their peeps.

They had all night adoration. It was beautiful---especially the part where I fell asleep on the cold stone floor of the church while others prayed for the souls of Purgatory, world peace, etc.

Sorry dudes, I was super tired: the night before I had only had 3 hours of sleep. I had spent the whole day walking around. I am sorry, JC. But if it's of any consolation: it was practically impossible to sleep, with the coldness and the hardness of the floor and my incessant worry of snoring. Besides... that night did the trick and I got super sick afterwards.

At 3:30 a.m., I was awakened to have 3:30 a.m. mass. It was awesome. It was in four languages (I think... I was still pretty sleepy). Then after mass, we all headed down to the square to begin the madness.

Don't get me wrong-- I'm sure they were all good people (for the most part), but mob mentality is a powerful thing. People were going NUTS, man: pushing, shoving, digging, cutting off, all kinds of crazy crap.

Anyway, so we get down to the square, and the cops don't want to let us in. They tell us that we weren't in the line (which is true) and that we need to go to the back of the line). The nuns are politely attempting to persuade them (and praying the rosary in the meantime). Have you ever seen Sister Act? Nuns can get away with a lot of stuff, being nuns and all. This is absolutely true. I saw those nuns pleading and crying their way into the hearts of those tough Italian police officers. Some of them stayed behind and just prayed for Divine interference.

So, we finally got kicked out to the back of the line. Then as we were making our way to the back, defeated, we realized that the street was closed so we couldn't actually go back there. So guess what? The cops had to let us into the square, before most of the line. 

This means we were at the very front--right after the spot where all the priests were sitting. This also meant that people were going to fight us for hours to get in front of us even though they had arrived later. Why? Because people are nonsensical, I tell you. Especially Italians. Sorry, you know it's true. I saw Italians shoving, yelling, punching. PUNCHING. There was an Italian woman punching a tall Polish guy, provoking him, trying to get him to hit her as to get him in trouble. THIS IS THE VATICAN. There's for sure a special place in Purgatory for people who fight at the Vatican.

Anyway, by the time the canonization started, I was exhausted due to so much stress (not to mention we almost got trampled to death at the security checkpoint because Italian authorities have no notion of queuing).

But it was nonetheless beautifully moving AND I GOTTA SEE BOTH PAPA BENNY AND PAPA FRANKIE!!!

I didn't actually take this picture. I wish, though.

 But now to the picture I did take:

Yes, be jealous.

After the canonization, I somehow managed to go around Rome for another four or five hours, mostly church-hopping. So when I got back to the hotel at 7 p.m. I took a shower and, without eating dinner, I went to sleep until the next day.  I am pretty sure I dreamed of a bacon cheeseburger....

THEN THE NEXT DAY, WE WENT TO ASSISI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

There are no words to describe this place. The peace. The beauty. You need to go to experience it. And, trust me, you won't want to leave it. Also, if you do go... take lots and lots of money with you. They have beautiful everythings.

The next day it was back to Rome, and I don't remember anything, probably because I was so incredibly exhausted by then-- I honestly could not stop thinking about my friends, my flat, my fish and chips... I missed Durham horribly. This was possibly the result of having to walk around while being super sick with a very strong cold and fever and not having enough food.

Then the day after we went to St. Giovanni Rotondo, a little village five hours away from Rome.... by bus. And yes, we were there for only a few hours, which means we drove around for 10 hours that day. Who plans a trip like that? AND WITH A BUNCH OF OLD PEOPLE?!?!?!?!!? Heck, I could have my own tour guide company if all it takes is bad planning...

but seeing this made it all worth it

The cave where St. Michael Archangel appeared!

St. Gio

Incorrupt Padre Pio (died 1968)

The Italian coast.

We came back late that night, and I was completely and utterly shattered physically.

The next day, I decided to tempt the fates and, in broken Italian, ordered a boar sandwich from a food stand outside San Giovanni Basilica. And I got an allergic reaction.

So, I'm allergic to boar. BOAR. WHAT A HORRIBLE LIFE THIS IS.


After that, I just  made my way to my hostel close to the airport (after lots of inquiring and walking) and just got into bed, watched HGTV and ate scraps from the previous days, dreaming of the next day, when I would go to Durham. Great hostel---very pink, though. VERY. PINK.

Then the next day, I got back to the UK. And, like any sensible human being, the first thing I did was to have a bacon jalapeno cheeseburger at Burger King. God bless America.

Anyway, that was the trip. Here's a weird video about the whole thing: