Lourdes and Other Concerns

Hi there.

WARNING: the following will be an uber-Catholic post. Deal with it, yo!

I left Paris at 11 p.m. on a Friday night to take an 8 hour train ride to Lourdes, France. I got to sit next to "Gary" (who turned out to be Greg, after all), a Hungarian dude with hair down to the hip and cool tattoos and piercings who was on his way to El Camino de Santiago. Greg and I talked for a while until I fell asleep, waking up every 30 minutes to make sure I wouldn't miss Lourdes (the train was going further than just Lourdes). 

I arrived in Lourdes before dawn, which meant I had to wait around the train station for about an hour and a half for the sun to rise--mind you, I had no GPS and a very crappy map, so I didn't even know how to find my hotel or if I could check in so early. Once the sun came up, I started exploring the small town that is Lourdes. At first, you are taken aback by the beautiful mountains-- ah, a glimpse of the Pyrenees. Then, you make your way into town and get to see the castle on top of the hill.

After wandering around with a map in a town where street names don't seem to be relevant, I found my hostel and checked in. My room: purple explosion! Just like the Pink Room in Rome, but this time terrifyingly violet/lilac/purple. I set out at around 8:30 a.m. to get to the sanctuary to attend mass--

Parenthesis: In case you are wondering why on earth did I choose to go to Lourdes, allow me to Catholic-geek on you. Lourdes is the most visited pilgrimage site for Catholics in the world. It is the place where the Virgin Mary appeared to a peasant girl named Bernadette Soubirous in the 19th century. Our Lady told Bernadette that a church needed to be built at the site of the apparition, in a grotto on the outskirts of the town. 

Anyway, I didn't make it to mass at 9 a.m. because I got lost in the tiny town and couldn't find the sanctuary (really, the multitude walking toward the same direction didn't give me a clue at all). So I got REALLY angry... probably because I was super hungry and tired. I didn't even want to go to mass anymore. I just wanted to find the place so I could shake my fist to the wind!

So after what felt like a million years. I found it. And you know what happened?

The two-day Tear Fest began. OVER-FREAKING-WHELMING. I mean, the moment I walked across the gates of the sanctuary it was like being overcome by all the feels--ALL THE CATHOLIC FEELS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I suppose we can break it down as follows:

1) Guilt: GOD, I JUST GOT MAD ABOUT THE STUPIDEST THING ON EARTH WHILE BEING ON THIS AMAZING TRIP AND IN THIS AMAZING PLACE WHERE OUR LADY APPEARED!!!!!!!!!

2) Gratefulness: OH MY JESUS, YOU ARE SO AMAZING, I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M HERE, THIS IS A DREAM COME TRUE!!!

3) Guilt: I AM HERE, I DON'T DESERVE THIS! SO MANY PEOPLE SUFFER HORRIBLY IN THE WORLD AND YET HERE I AM, IN LOURDES.

4) Overwhelming love: YOU ARE SO GOOD TO ME, GOD, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, YOU ARE THE BEST THING THAT EVER HAPPENED TO ME!!!

5) Guilt: AND YET I GET SO ANGRY ABOUT SILLY THINGS AND I'M NOT WHO I'M SUPPOSED TO BE AND I DON'T ACT LIKE I SHOULD ACT AND I AM JUST THE WORST!!!!

6) Hope: BUT YOU DIED FOR ME ON THE CROSS AND LOVE ME ANYWAY AND WANT ME TO BE HAPPY AND WANT TO STAY WITH ME FOREVER

7) Guilt: AND I AM ALWAYS SINNING AND BEING AWFUL AND I DON'T DESERVE YOUR LOVE AND WHY AM I EVEN HERE? WHY DO YOU EVEN GIVE ME NICE THINGS? WHO AM I? NO ONE--NO ONE!!!

8) Peace: *BREATHES IN SLOWLY* BUT YOU LOVE ME. AND YOU ARE GOOD TO ME. AND YOU ARE ALWAYS WITH ME. AND I LOVE YOU. YOU AND I, ALWAYS. 

9) Joy: ALL THE ALLELUIAS AND PRAISES TO GOD!!!!!! LIFE IS AMAZING!!!!!!

10) MAMA MARY, YOU ARE HERE TOO, I CAN FEEL YOUR PRESENCE--IT'S SO POWERFUL. YOU ARE MY MOMMY AND YOU LOVE ME AND YOU ARE ALWAYS LOOKING AFTER ME AND TAKING CARE OF ME AND I LOVE YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!! AND I'M SO LUCKY TO BE CATHOLICCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Repeat steps 1-10 several times in a day. That was my Lourdes emotional roller coaster: beautiful, dramatic, unsettling, peaceful, dramatic, joyful, dramatic... DRAMATIC. I think I finally understand what 'Catholic Guilt' is. But yes, Eucharistic tears, rosary tears, procession tears, reconciliation tears, walking tears, eating and crying because you start thinking about the whole day, tears before bed, tears, tears, tears. 

Plus, I don't think I've ever prayed so much (willingly) in 24 hours. It was wonderful. Add to that the fact that everything around you is utterly beautiful and you have the perfect place for prayer and reflection.

Mama

Like a Disney Castle... for the Catholic princess

the grotto where Our Lady appeared

KING

It's been a bit over a month since my trip to Lourdes and I reflect on it all as I sit here in the darkness of the night on the 30th of October. The memories of Lourdes combine with the memories of the 30th of October of last year to put me in a strange mood. Exactly one year ago, I received a text message sometime in the middle of the night that told me my grandmother had died after battling what basically was hospital negligence for two months. 

One of the things that contributed to the Tear Fest in Lourdes was the constant presence of my grandma on my mind during the trip-- partly because she LOVED Mama Mary and partly because I could feel her being so so happy that I was in Lourdes. I can't even attempt to glamorize my grandma's death: the truth is that it was a terrible, slow, excruciating passion. I witnessed it-- the images still haunt my mind and the memory of it stabs my heart as brutally as if it had just happened today. 

I went to mass today thinking that I would be there to support my mum, but I quickly realized that the wound is still so fresh and exposed that I would be the one needing consolation. During the consecration, when images of the passion and death of Christ passed my mind as His body and blood were "given up for you for the forgiveness of sins", I could see those terrible images of my grandmother in the hospital paired up with the last moments of Jesus. 

"And a sword will pierce your heart." LUKE 2: 35

I think it's the way she died that really haunts me, because I know that she is now happy in heaven. But the death... was it really necessary? I don't think I will ever understand. But what I do know is that Mary's heart was pierced just like mine, and that she still managed to accept the will of God and to love. Mary accompanies me in my ache and my hurt, she stands by me at all times and lovingly tells me that she understands my pain and that she will be with me always. I know she was with her all throughout the illness just as she was with Jesus all throughout the Passion. Mary, suffering Mary, weeping Mary, loving Mary, steadfast Mary. Always. Unwavering love, unwavering faith, unwavering submission to the will of God. 

I don't know when true acceptance will come. But it is a relief to know myself loved, taken care of, and accompanied by the Mother of God. Abuelita, missing you doesn't seem to cease with time. I love you forever. You are always with me. 

 Par Marie à Jésus

French Kiss (NOT): Forever alone-ing in the city of Love (Real Life Eponine Chronicles)

BONJOUR! 

Oui, c'est moi, le Geordie mexicaine... en utilisant Google translate! #lifeskillz

It was only after being in France that I realized how lame I have been my entire life for refusing to learn "that stupid language"-- in my defense, I didn't think I would ever, ever need it! Who would have thought that I would ever roam the streets of Paris with only a few bucks in my pockets and guard my bag from the gypsies and pickpockets?! Dreams come true, after all.

Shall I tell you all about it?

1. I arrived in Paris north station after a couple hours in a Belgian train. Sure, I had been to Brussels and other cities, but nothing had prepared me for Paris: people, people, and more people!

I went to the Tourist Info kiosk and asked for a free map of the city. The nice tourist helper was not happy about this. He was not nice.

those skinny bastards...

What did I do, you ask? I ran to the nearest McDonald's. Ah, yes, the solace of an American institution. This is American territory, this is like the embassy, right? Well, I hate McDee's food, so I just sat there, using their internet. I saw all kinds of people, including a cool bro with a surfing board. But then the employees started eyeing me suspiciously, so I actually had to buy food. Meh. It's better in France than in the States, ya'll, but it ain't Burger Boy.

2. After a while, I took my heavy things and embarked in my first day adventure. Yes, because of my....shall we say, accommodation arrangements, I had to carry my stuff around with me all day until 7pm that day, when I was to meet my friend Clement. This meant I looked like a backpacker, or a gypsy, or a homeless person, however you want to look at it. Moreover, Paris was HOT... and we all know what happens to me when it's hot...

Streams and streams, endless.... gosh, it was awful. But hey, you know what? I walked around for 6 hours, 15 miles that day, and with my map I saw a good chunk of the city.

the Bastille

 I took a lot more photos but I'm just giving you the best of the best. I wandered around until I could no longer find any landmarks, which was indication enough that I was nearing the outskirts of central Paris. After almost being ran over by a bunch of cars when one of my bags broke and fell as I was crossing the street, I decided it was best to use the metro to go up to the north side of the city. The nice (not) metro man with broken English helped me figure out how to purchase a metro ticket (and by that I mean I spent 10 minutes looking at the self-service machine until I figured out on my own).

Anyway, I culminated my walk that day with the most beautiful sight in Paris:

It absolutely takes your breath away. It is the most magnificent thing, and its standing at the top of a very high hill just gives it an even bigger wow factor. Did I almost faint going up those stairs? Sure! I clutched my crucifix with whatever strength was left in me and I made my way up those steps. And I got in just in time for mass here, at Sacre Coeur, where they have perpetual exposition of the blessed sacrament.

After that I waited for Clement outside the church... and was harassed by several ambulant vendors and disgusted by the fact that beer is sold right on the steps leading up to the basilica. UNBELIEVABLE.

Anyway, we went to Clem's hipster apartment and he made me dinner and it was like a little piece of heaven. Then I basically fell in a comma of exhaustion.

3. AH, IT'S A NEW DAY--and I was feeling like I was ran over by an 18-wheeler. I set off much later than I would have liked, but honestly I was lucky enough to be able to move after the killer previous day.

THIS WAS THE DAY OF THE LOUVRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You guys, it's so massive. It's like the Mall of America of museums. DANG. I'd like to tell you that I saw the whole thing, but I can't lie to you--my time limit in a museum is 3 hours. After that, I stop being able to tell between a Botticelli and a Picasso.

that's the best photo one can aspire to when asking people who don't give a crap about one's photos to snap one.

It was amazeballs, even though I was already tired because I had been walking for 3 or 4 hours before I got there. And I know you are all wondering one thing---did I see it? Here:

4. What the ACTUAL f*ck? Mona Lisa has got to be the most overrated thing in the world. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT IS THAT? I WANT MY MONEY BACKKKKKKKKK!!! CRAP, CRAP, CRAPPEDY CRAP!

Yes, there will be a rant.

First, don't get me started about the size.

another brilliantly taken photo by a douchebag American who thought his "I'm going to beat that bald guy" joke was funny.... DOUCHE.

WHAT IN THE ACTUAL WORLD? Why is a tiny ass painting like that so popular? There are paintings in the Louvre that are as high as a two-level house. What's so special about this tiny portrait? I guess size wouldn't really matter if IT WAS ACTUALLY GOOD. Are you kidding me? 

AAAAAAAAAAAHAERKLJAGJKLAERGNERKLAERARGAGAERGAE. I look at that woman and I want to gently slap her out of her idiotic facial expression. Leonardo painted a handful of things better than this. Why, WHY, WHYYYYY? I don't get humanity's fascination. Any photoshopped version of La Gioconda is better than the original. Don't believe me?

English Mona Lisa

Mooooooooooona Lisa

Mona Fierce

La Legonda

Duck-face Mon' Liz

Biker Lisa

La Jackonda

But yes, I saw it. It totally sucks. Everything else was great, though!

After that, I walked through the gardens and then through Champs Elysee, taking in all the Parisian gorgeousness and feeling mind-blown at the fact that I was in Paris. Did I mention I saw the French president? Yeah, that happened. He was having a ceremony with some soldiers and other important looking people here:

I finished the evening with dinner with friends. I ate crepes, my new food spouse. Crepes for starters, crepes for entrees, crepes for dessert. A LIFE OF CREPES. I could do it, you know... I could eat crepes for the rest of my life. They are beautifully thin and stuffed with goodness. 

I could cry of happiness just looking at these pictures. Bacon, whipped cream, ice cream--oh, the loves of my life! 

After dinner, we wandered around Sacre Coeur again and looked at the Eiffel Tower from far away as it lighted up at midnight. 

look at this beauty

A good second day, and I equally died that night for 8 hours out of pure tiredness. 

5. OH GLORIOUS THIRD DAY!

I saved the best for last-- Eiffel, Notre Dame, and everything in between!

Sacre Coeur from the Tower

The Louvre from the Tower

Seine bank

It was here that a gypsy tried to take money from me by pretending to be fund-raising for a nameless non-profit organization that helps children in Africa. I think she might have put a curse on me, because she kissed her hand and rubbed it on my shoulder when I told her I was Mexican--don't look at me like that... I had to...

Gypsy sister of charity: do you speak English?
Me: No. Español.
UN Gypsy: OOOH, YO HABLO ESPAÑOL.
Me [inwardly]: dammit.
St. Gypsy of the African Children [in Spanish]: we are collecting signatures to help the children of Africa, would you sign?

SHE SAID SIGN, NOT DONATE? HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?

Me: Sure!
Esmeralda: eres de Mexico?
Me: Si...

[Does the whole creepy kiss thing, calls me beautiful... I thought it was a sign for some kind of sexual slavery ring to snatch me]

Then our selfless lady proceeds to ask for funds... to which I said "I got no money..."

Without saying a word, she walked away....

ANYWAY, PHOTOS:

Palace of Luxembourg 

Notre Dame

I finished this day with mass at Notre Dame. Wow, wow, wow. One of the most memorable days in my life. Oh, Paris, you are a magical, you are a dream.

Three days, 45 miles, dozens of sights seen. A map falling a part to prove it:

That night, I went to eat at a legit American dinner and then headed to the station for my overnight train to Lourdes! More to come!

C