You knew that was coming, didn't you? Hi, loves. It's been a while, hasn't it? Oh well, you know, I've been out there, living life to the fullest, didn't have enough time to share with the blogosphere.
That's all a lie.
I've been working so much that I get home and only have enough energy to eat my feelings and drop dead on the bed every night, only to do it all over again the next day. On the weekends I just want to stay in my house and stare at my Facebook feed. The only people I hold conversations with are people at work and people in my house if we're awake at the same time.
Yeah, yeah, you feel sorry for me. That's okay. I spend a great deal of my free time feeling sorry for myself. But you know what? I do okay. I have just enough money to pay my crippling debt, 90% of my students like me, 5% of those have actually created a sort of cult to worship me, and I have a couple of coworkers that really keep me going.
But man, 2015 has been a shit year.
Oh yeah, this post is not nice, nor is it suitable for work, nor is it very Christian.
I began 2015 with the most vicious anxiety about what would be my new job. I was terrified of the challenge, the work load, the students, and my incapacity to be a teacher. I finish 2015 with the most vicious anxiety about my current job, terrified of the challenge, the work load, the students,and my incapacity to be a teacher. Do you see a pattern here?
I began 2015 with a broken heart and a deep sense of bitterness caused by unrequited love. I would lay on bed at night replaying everything that had happened and thinking of things I should have done. I finish 2015 with a broken heart and a deep sense of bitterness caused by people (a person) who trampled all over me and who played with my emotions and who didn't even know what they wanted and they are jerks (just one). Did I say they are jerks? Yep...
I began 2015 without knowing what my purpose in life is or what my vocation, my true vocation, might be, feeling like I'm just wasting my life in unimportant things. I finish 2015 without knowing what on earth I'm supposed to be doing with my life or if I'm supposed to run to a convent or to the courthouse and find the first chap to marry or what. I am still as clueless.
I began 2015 telling myself that this was the year I was finally going to get in shape and feel great about my body and be the athlete my subconscious still thinks I am. I end 2015 fatter that I've ever been and more achy than ever. Oh, did I mention white hair has started growing on the area around my temples. Cheers to getting old.
So yeah, you're probably thinking I need some Xanax. But really, I'm fine...ish. I'm sure it's not all been entirely bad, but it just feels like the bad stuff sometimes is louder than the good. But someone once told me that the key to staying afloat was to be grateful, so I suppose I could do some of that.
2015 was the year when I saw one of my dearest friends again after three years. Amber, I'm really grateful for you and for your contagious strength and for all of your reality checks. I'm also very grateful for amazing food every time I go visit you and heck, even for Star Trek. There I said it. You are so wonderful.
Even though it only happened in the last six weeks or so, I'm really grateful for reconnecting with a person I kind of always secretly hoped would be my friend. Claire, thank you for being awesome and always listening to me (or reading my messages). It's been a lot of fun. Also, finish Downton already.
Also, shout-out to my favorite turbaned person on earth. Raja, your generosity never ceases to amaze me. I'm so lucky to have you in my life and so happy we're still managing to keep each other in the loop. I know you'll kick 2016's ass.
2015 would not have been the same thing without the other half of the bromance, my favorite Tomato. Lauren, I don't even understand how we've become an item so quickly. But thank you for loving me in spite of my assholery. Thank you for being my work companion and my confidante. I think Tina and Amy would be proud of us.
God...
Hey, how are you? Great, okay. I'd appreciate it if you could cut me some slack in 2016 before I die of diabetes or a stroke. Thank you for never leaving my side, even when I was trying to push You away. I don't know anything. Help please.
Finally, thank you all for reading. It's not been as prolific as it was meant to be (see the New Year's resolutions for the year 2015), but I'm glad you're still around, all the four of you. I am grateful for your friendship and your support. Happy 2016.
