How are you? Yes, I know, Donald Trump might be president.
You know it's been a while when I have to bring up Donald Trump. He's a horrid creature and all,and of course I hope he chokes on his wig one night, but he's got a very nice quote that I love dearly:
"It's going to be great. I'll tell you something--it's going to be beautiful!"
"It's going to be great. I'll tell you something--it's going to be beautiful!"
What profound and moving words! So simple, yet vague enough to be universal truth!
Now you might wonder--what on earth is this blog post about?
I have to confess, dear reader... life's been knocking me down a bit much in the last few months. If I ever complained about 2015, it all seems nothing in comparison with the darkness of these past three months.
I don't want to dwell on my personal problems, but I can say that it felt like a thick cloud of darkness (and sadness) was enveloping me. I pride myself on being a person that powers on despite the heavy loads of life, but I think for the first time in a very, very long time I felt like just giving up. You know, just stop getting out of bed, stop going to work, just let that darkness fall and drown in it.
It was like being in a poorly lit room, staring at this massive thing before you, on the floor. The massive thing is black with fear and anxiety and frustration and helplessness, and you stare at it, you hunch lower and lower to stare at it closer. The more you look at it, the less you see anything else around it. Does that make sense? So there I was, hunched and defeated and absolutely mortified, praying to God to help me lift up my eyes, to help me with this huge load.
And I get it--what are my problems compared to the problems of my brothers and sisters in Syria? Or to my dear friend lying in a hospital bed, going through chemotherapy? Nothing! It's bloody embarrassing to even be talking about this. But sometimes we can get so wrapped up in our little world of negativity, you guys. It's terrifying.
You know me, of course, and know that negativity runs in my nature. When people on Facebook post stupid shit about how you should cut off negative people from your life, it really angers me. What are we supposed to do if we don't have you positive people? You're just going to let us die out there in the cold (dramatic, I know). We might tend to melancholy, but we have hearts that are capable of love. Hell, we are some of the most caring and loving people! DAMMIT, YOU MOTIVATIONAL SPEAKERS!
But I digress.
So there was I, panicking and having meltdowns and begging God for a life-line (you know, like Who Wants to Be a Millionaire but better), and then something happened.
I mean, at the time, I didn't know it was God's response to my prayer. I expected some sort of miraculous event where I suddenly won the lottery without buying a ticket and could leave my job and go live off an island somewhere with a golden retriever and write my autobiography (coming to a Kindle near you in 2017ish).
Instead, God was moving stuff (and hearts) around, and before I knew it I slowly started looking up again. The lights in the dark room gradually turned on. Someone reached out and offered his hand.
Yes, his hand.
Like anything in life, this wasn't all rosy and perfect. But, as we all know, things that are totally worth it are hardly easy. Relationships are hard, especially for people that are used to being on their own--like me. But if you know something about me (if you're a faithful reader), you know I don't take these things lightly. I just don't give my heart out like it's a flyer for the grand opening of a new Mexican restaurant in town.
You also must know, that this is a HELL OF A MAN. Like, Mexican Geordie approved, ya know what I'm saying?
Now, it was all fun to tell you about my nonexistent love life when it was precisely that--nonexistent. But now, I feel as if I don't really have to tell you all, because there are stories and details that belong in future speeches, future conversations, future anecdotes. YEP.
But don't think I'll leave you hanging, dear reader. Here's what I can tell you:
1, I wake up with about a million percent more energy in the morning.
2. I have become a cell phone addict.
3. I smile for no reason.
4. I am strangely made feminine and giddy... you wouldn't actually believe it.
5. I am looking forward to the future, not trying to ignore it like I used to.
In short, in case you still haven't figured it out: I am completely, absolutely, unequivocally, stupidly, ridiculously, intensely, hilariously, undoubtedly and wonderfully in love.
Yes with a man.
No, I said a man, not a pet.
No, no, not an analogy for food.
Yes, he is real.
Yes, an actual person.
No, not a character.
Yes, he knows I exist.
Yes, he actually does like me.
Yes, he actually sees me.
He sees me, just like it had to be. Just when I thought I had been waiting years in vain, God sent someone to turn on the lights and say 'HEY YOU! I CAN SEE YOU--YES YOU! YOU ARE NICE!' Just when I thought God was maybe asking something completely different of me (a.k.a. living alone with cats), in comes this incredible human being. So yeah, sort of an incredibly miraculous event, really.
Yes, we appreciate your good thoughts, vibes, prayers, cake. Possibly cash. Cash never hurts.
I am, simply put, happy. And I know, in the words of Donald Trump, that "It's going to be great. It's going to be beautiful!"
At last, this Miranda has found her Gary.
