1. I didn't get a bonnet.
I know, shocking! It is with a heavy heart that I must confess to you that I was just never able to find one. Maybe I didn't look hard enough. But, knowing the size of my giant head, do you really think I would have been able to find one not made for a dainty English woman? I shop for hats in the men's section.... I would have had to find a shop catering to men with a thing for cross-dressing as 19th century ladies...
My dreams of being Elizabeth Bennet were thus crushed by my lack of bonnet. How I longed to feel that soft, silky ribbon tightly tied around my face, choking me lovingly. How I yearned for my head to be warmly wrapped in fabric, straw, or potentially whale bones (according to Wikipedia) as I walked miles and miles every day--like a beehive buzzing in a beautifully humid Texas summer day. How my poor pale face suffered from being exposed to the cruel British sun--and by cruel I mean nonexistent. Point being: no bonnet, no Bennet. That, sirs, is the reality.
2. Fell in love with British food.
NOT. As a national from the fattest country in the world, you know that is impossible. I'm sorry, Brits... your Yorkshire pudding has got nothing on our bolillo and Sunday roasts pale in comparison to our typical guisados. Once you go Mexican food, you never go back [to English food]. That saying doesn't quite work....
Anyway, sorry Brits. You've got the green grass, and the sheep, and the manners, and the literature, and the music, and the healthcare system and the hot princes.... but you can't have it all. Food's not your thing. But I appreciate the effort!
3. I didn't get into Doctor Who.
I'm sorry, I just can't. The premise of the whole thing just sounds utterly ridiculous to me. THERE, I SAID IT ***cue to 80% of my readership leaving this blog never to return***. I just don't get what's so great about it.
Pardon me, I am probably just not creative and imaginative enough to get into it. I'm too simple-minded for it (as I was told once by a not-very-nice person). And while we're at it, I guess I should tell you that nope, I'm still not interested in reading Harry Potter even though they filmed bits of the movie in Durham Cathedral and Castle. If that didn't convince me, I don't think anything would... unless I had a chance to date Daniel Radcliffe... nah, I take that back. Now if Bradley Cooper would have been cast as Harry........
4. I didn't go to a football match.
This one kills me a little inside. Not once. Not even a Newcastle United match. Not even when Man U was in town and they beat the hell out of Newcastle. Nothing. The closest I got to a professional footballer was taking selfies with a cardboard cutout of David Beckham at the National Football Museum in Manchester. It was just very hard to get tickets for the good games-- and God knows I had no intention of going to see Crystal Palace play, pfff.
Am I a bad football fan? Have I failed the fandom? Yes, yes I have. My mum would be so proud #notatomboyanymore #wellnotthatmuchanyway
5. I didn't date a British guy.
Now, that's a shocker, eh? I supposed this would should be called "I didn't date a guy", period. Of any sort. Or a woman, either (in case you were wondering). Just didn't date. I had to live with five men, remember? Was there a need to add another needy man-child to the equation???
Now, the fact that I was in England for a whole year and I didn't go on a single date seems to be the most puzzling thing ever, judging by people's reactions when I got back:
"Sooooo.... did you meet someone?? *nudge nudge*
NOPE
"What do you mean? There were no guys?"
Oh, about 50% of the population, roughly.
"Well, but you didn't even like someone?"
Sure! Too many to count.
"Did you go out, did you meet people?"
Yep--it's called making friends.
"So there wasn't ONE SINGLE ELIGIBLE BACHELOR?"
Does the fact that I didn't go on a single date answer your question?
"Well, you'll make a great nun!"
Yep, Sr. Marie Clarence has got nothing on me.
Amen.
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