BONJOUR!
Oui, c'est moi, le Geordie mexicaine... en utilisant Google translate! #lifeskillz
It was only after being in France that I realized how lame I have been my entire life for refusing to learn "that stupid language"-- in my defense, I didn't think I would ever, ever need it! Who would have thought that I would ever roam the streets of Paris with only a few bucks in my pockets and guard my bag from the gypsies and pickpockets?! Dreams come true, after all.
Shall I tell you all about it?
1. I arrived in Paris north station after a couple hours in a Belgian train. Sure, I had been to Brussels and other cities, but nothing had prepared me for Paris: people, people, and more people!
Shall I tell you all about it?
1. I arrived in Paris north station after a couple hours in a Belgian train. Sure, I had been to Brussels and other cities, but nothing had prepared me for Paris: people, people, and more people!
I went to the Tourist Info kiosk and asked for a free map of the city. The nice tourist helper was not happy about this. He was not nice.
What did I do, you ask? I ran to the nearest McDonald's. Ah, yes, the solace of an American institution. This is American territory, this is like the embassy, right? Well, I hate McDee's food, so I just sat there, using their internet. I saw all kinds of people, including a cool bro with a surfing board. But then the employees started eyeing me suspiciously, so I actually had to buy food. Meh. It's better in France than in the States, ya'll, but it ain't Burger Boy.
2. After a while, I took my heavy things and embarked in my first day adventure. Yes, because of my....shall we say, accommodation arrangements, I had to carry my stuff around with me all day until 7pm that day, when I was to meet my friend Clement. This meant I looked like a backpacker, or a gypsy, or a homeless person, however you want to look at it. Moreover, Paris was HOT... and we all know what happens to me when it's hot...
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| those skinny bastards... |
What did I do, you ask? I ran to the nearest McDonald's. Ah, yes, the solace of an American institution. This is American territory, this is like the embassy, right? Well, I hate McDee's food, so I just sat there, using their internet. I saw all kinds of people, including a cool bro with a surfing board. But then the employees started eyeing me suspiciously, so I actually had to buy food. Meh. It's better in France than in the States, ya'll, but it ain't Burger Boy.
2. After a while, I took my heavy things and embarked in my first day adventure. Yes, because of my....shall we say, accommodation arrangements, I had to carry my stuff around with me all day until 7pm that day, when I was to meet my friend Clement. This meant I looked like a backpacker, or a gypsy, or a homeless person, however you want to look at it. Moreover, Paris was HOT... and we all know what happens to me when it's hot...
Streams and streams, endless.... gosh, it was awful. But hey, you know what? I walked around for 6 hours, 15 miles that day, and with my map I saw a good chunk of the city.
I took a lot more photos but I'm just giving you the best of the best. I wandered around until I could no longer find any landmarks, which was indication enough that I was nearing the outskirts of central Paris. After almost being ran over by a bunch of cars when one of my bags broke and fell as I was crossing the street, I decided it was best to use the metro to go up to the north side of the city. The nice (not) metro man with broken English helped me figure out how to purchase a metro ticket (and by that I mean I spent 10 minutes looking at the self-service machine until I figured out on my own).
Anyway, I culminated my walk that day with the most beautiful sight in Paris:
It absolutely takes your breath away. It is the most magnificent thing, and its standing at the top of a very high hill just gives it an even bigger wow factor. Did I almost faint going up those stairs? Sure! I clutched my crucifix with whatever strength was left in me and I made my way up those steps. And I got in just in time for mass here, at Sacre Coeur, where they have perpetual exposition of the blessed sacrament.
After that I waited for Clement outside the church... and was harassed by several ambulant vendors and disgusted by the fact that beer is sold right on the steps leading up to the basilica. UNBELIEVABLE.
Anyway, we went to Clem's hipster apartment and he made me dinner and it was like a little piece of heaven. Then I basically fell in a comma of exhaustion.
3. AH, IT'S A NEW DAY--and I was feeling like I was ran over by an 18-wheeler. I set off much later than I would have liked, but honestly I was lucky enough to be able to move after the killer previous day.
THIS WAS THE DAY OF THE LOUVRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys, it's so massive. It's like the Mall of America of museums. DANG. I'd like to tell you that I saw the whole thing, but I can't lie to you--my time limit in a museum is 3 hours. After that, I stop being able to tell between a Botticelli and a Picasso.
It was amazeballs, even though I was already tired because I had been walking for 3 or 4 hours before I got there. And I know you are all wondering one thing---did I see it? Here:
4. What the ACTUAL f*ck? Mona Lisa has got to be the most overrated thing in the world. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT IS THAT? I WANT MY MONEY BACKKKKKKKKK!!! CRAP, CRAP, CRAPPEDY CRAP!
Yes, there will be a rant.
First, don't get me started about the size.
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| the Bastille |
I took a lot more photos but I'm just giving you the best of the best. I wandered around until I could no longer find any landmarks, which was indication enough that I was nearing the outskirts of central Paris. After almost being ran over by a bunch of cars when one of my bags broke and fell as I was crossing the street, I decided it was best to use the metro to go up to the north side of the city. The nice (not) metro man with broken English helped me figure out how to purchase a metro ticket (and by that I mean I spent 10 minutes looking at the self-service machine until I figured out on my own).
Anyway, I culminated my walk that day with the most beautiful sight in Paris:
It absolutely takes your breath away. It is the most magnificent thing, and its standing at the top of a very high hill just gives it an even bigger wow factor. Did I almost faint going up those stairs? Sure! I clutched my crucifix with whatever strength was left in me and I made my way up those steps. And I got in just in time for mass here, at Sacre Coeur, where they have perpetual exposition of the blessed sacrament.
After that I waited for Clement outside the church... and was harassed by several ambulant vendors and disgusted by the fact that beer is sold right on the steps leading up to the basilica. UNBELIEVABLE.
Anyway, we went to Clem's hipster apartment and he made me dinner and it was like a little piece of heaven. Then I basically fell in a comma of exhaustion.
3. AH, IT'S A NEW DAY--and I was feeling like I was ran over by an 18-wheeler. I set off much later than I would have liked, but honestly I was lucky enough to be able to move after the killer previous day.
THIS WAS THE DAY OF THE LOUVRE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You guys, it's so massive. It's like the Mall of America of museums. DANG. I'd like to tell you that I saw the whole thing, but I can't lie to you--my time limit in a museum is 3 hours. After that, I stop being able to tell between a Botticelli and a Picasso.
 |
| that's the best photo one can aspire to when asking people who don't give a crap about one's photos to snap one. |
It was amazeballs, even though I was already tired because I had been walking for 3 or 4 hours before I got there. And I know you are all wondering one thing---did I see it? Here:
4. What the ACTUAL f*ck? Mona Lisa has got to be the most overrated thing in the world. ARE YOU KIDDING ME? WHAT IS THAT? I WANT MY MONEY BACKKKKKKKKK!!! CRAP, CRAP, CRAPPEDY CRAP!
Yes, there will be a rant.
First, don't get me started about the size.
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| another brilliantly taken photo by a douchebag American who thought his "I'm going to beat that bald guy" joke was funny.... DOUCHE. |
WHAT IN THE ACTUAL WORLD? Why is a tiny ass painting like that so popular? There are paintings in the Louvre that are as high as a two-level house. What's so special about this tiny portrait? I guess size wouldn't really matter if IT WAS ACTUALLY GOOD. Are you kidding me?
AAAAAAAAAAAHAERKLJAGJKLAERGNERKLAERARGAGAERGAE. I look at that woman and I want to gently slap her out of her idiotic facial expression. Leonardo painted a handful of things better than this. Why, WHY, WHYYYYY? I don't get humanity's fascination. Any photoshopped version of La Gioconda is better than the original. Don't believe me?
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| English Mona Lisa |
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| Mooooooooooona Lisa |
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| Mona Fierce |
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| La Legonda |
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| Duck-face Mon' Liz |
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| Biker Lisa |
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| La Jackonda |
But yes, I saw it. It totally sucks. Everything else was great, though!
After that, I walked through the gardens and then through Champs Elysee, taking in all the Parisian gorgeousness and feeling mind-blown at the fact that I was in Paris. Did I mention I saw the French president? Yeah, that happened. He was having a ceremony with some soldiers and other important looking people here:
I finished the evening with dinner with friends. I ate crepes, my new food spouse. Crepes for starters, crepes for entrees, crepes for dessert. A LIFE OF CREPES. I could do it, you know... I could eat crepes for the rest of my life. They are beautifully thin and stuffed with goodness.
I could cry of happiness just looking at these pictures. Bacon, whipped cream, ice cream--oh, the loves of my life!
After dinner, we wandered around Sacre Coeur again and looked at the Eiffel Tower from far away as it lighted up at midnight.
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| look at this beauty |
A good second day, and I equally died that night for 8 hours out of pure tiredness.
5. OH GLORIOUS THIRD DAY!
I saved the best for last-- Eiffel, Notre Dame, and everything in between!
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| Sacre Coeur from the Tower |
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| The Louvre from the Tower |
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| Seine bank |
It was here that a gypsy tried to take money from me by pretending to be fund-raising for a nameless non-profit organization that helps children in Africa. I think she might have put a curse on me, because she kissed her hand and rubbed it on my shoulder when I told her I was Mexican--don't look at me like that... I had to...
Gypsy sister of charity: do you speak English?
Me: No. Español.
UN Gypsy: OOOH, YO HABLO ESPAÑOL.
Me [inwardly]: dammit.
St. Gypsy of the African Children [in Spanish]: we are collecting signatures to help the children of Africa, would you sign?
SHE SAID SIGN, NOT DONATE? HOW WAS I SUPPOSE TO KNOW?
Me: Sure!
Esmeralda: eres de Mexico?
Me: Si...
[Does the whole creepy kiss thing, calls me beautiful... I thought it was a sign for some kind of sexual slavery ring to snatch me]
Then our selfless lady proceeds to ask for funds... to which I said "I got no money..."
Without saying a word, she walked away....
ANYWAY, PHOTOS:
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| Palace of Luxembourg |
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| Notre Dame |
I finished this day with mass at Notre Dame. Wow, wow, wow. One of the most memorable days in my life. Oh, Paris, you are a magical, you are a dream.
Three days, 45 miles, dozens of sights seen. A map falling a part to prove it:
That night, I went to eat at a legit American dinner and then headed to the station for my overnight train to Lourdes! More to come!
C
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