That time I almost became Mrs. Darcy.

About seven or eight years ago, I received a poster for the film Pride and Prejudice (2005) by mail from England. The package also contained some advertisements and a photo with the caption "Visit Britain".

This was the place. I remember looking at it and saying to myself "one day". Who would have thought?

This is called The Cascade. And down there, you can see Chatsworth House. Dreams do, after all, come true.

IT'S PEMBERLEY, YA'LL!!!

Okay, that was a bit somber and serious and heart-wrenching, huh?  APOLOGIES FOR THAT! I am just still in awe of the place. I know I tend to tell you "oh this might be my favorite place in Britain yet" and always end up going to another awesome place and saying the same thing---but I think this time, this might be it--she's the one, my  heart's desire, all I ever wanted--she's the stately home of my dreams!

Chatsworth House is the home of the duke and duchess of Devonshire (why do they not live in Devonshire? Well, I hear no one would willingly choose to live there anyway--haha, I'm learning local humour, take that, assimilation process!!). The estate is located in Derbyshire, of which Mr. Darcy owns half, remember?

fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-cha-chiiiingggggggg

This house is nuts, ya'll. First of all, it shouldn't even be called a house--it's a freaking palace. Then, it has the fanciest, Britishest things: a massive fountain, a maze, gardens gallore, green grass, a tea shop.... the list goes on! Inside and out, the place just makes you marvel and your inner princess basically comes out of the closet and goes wild--- I can't say that I wasn't skipping around and that lovely classical music was not playing in my mind....

This is a video of me walking the countryside

First, let me tell you that this trip was completely unplanned... meaning I totally wanted to go but couldn't get tickets in time before they sold out, but luckily for me my flatmate Ridwan--SHOUT OUT TO MAH HOMEBOY, RID-RID (no one actually calls him that)--couldn't make it and so he gave me his ticket. Oh, God is good!

The only problem with this trip was (and I was aware of this) that I didn't know anyone going. What did I do about it, you ask? I resolved that nothing would stop me from making new friends and having the time of my life. Then I resolved that it would just be a nice day to talk to myself and have the time of my life.

Don't worry, my love, I'm fluent in the language of luuuuuuuvvvv

This resolution to have a me-day came to me as I climbed into the bus.

*WARNING: POLITICALLY INCORRECT STUFF COMING YOUR WAY*

Because... you know who was coming to the trip besides me? CHINA. All of China. 

Look, I don't have a problem with Chinese people--they are polite and great photographers--but they tend to keep to their own people. A lot more than everyone else. So, when everyone's speaking Chinese, my introvert self just shuts down. BUT NO EXCUSES! It's not them, it's me. You know me, I panic, I am an introvert, I can't... just cannot... talk to people sometimes. So I had to lower the soundtrack playing in my mind so that I could hear myself talking to myself the entire time.

So, after sitting next to a boy who didn't speak a word to me for three hours, I decided to embark on this adventure alone. When we finally arrived at Chatsworth, oh, my poor heart---it was fluttering, I tell you.

The years of dreaming about this moment, dudes. The times watching the movie and thinking "daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn". The everythingness. Only Jennifer Lawrence understands me:

First thing to do was to figure out what to do. We were handed a map of the grounds and it turned out to be a massive property (and we had little less than five hours to see it all). Well, so, being an idiot, I decided to go explore the countryside outside the estate. SERIOUSLY. I figured that I could go around the estate following the river and then make my way back through the back of the property. 

What I was not counting on was the power of a good pair of boots in the countryside.

*WARNING: THE FOLLOWING PARAGRAPH CONTAINS A LOT OF SHIT... LIKE, FOR REALS.

The thing about the countryside in England is that there are sheep everywhere. So adorbs, right? No. They poop everywhere. EVERYWHERE. No discrimination. And you know me, I had to make things complicated for myself that morning when I decided for some reason to wear a dress and sandals to go on this trip. And all the sheep in England decided to take a dump in Derbyshire. It was like an obstacle course, you guys. You couldn't go more than three steps without having to avoid stepping on poo. Rivers of doo-doo. A valley being filled up, leveled, with turds. Just shit piling up everywhere: sheep shit, lamb shit, goat shit, chivo shit... whatever you want to call it. It was a matter of time before I stepped on one, really. I was just hoping it would be a dried-up one. Yeah, well, better luck next time. 

But, hey, at least nice pictures resulted of this endeavor:

I know it was you, you little shit! I forgive you, though, you're a cutie.

After wandering around for long enough, I went back toward the house only to see a lady that looked like Dame Judi Dench. First reaction? "Gasp! Lady Catherine de Bourgh". 

"Walking around, stepping on poop, your ladyship!"

But what can be worse than stepping on sheep turd? Well, when someone is wearing the same outfit as you. Embarrassing, really. And of course, you always wonder--who wore it better?!?!!?!?!?!?

 As I sneaked my way out of the sight of my 2.0 version, I felt like Ariel (yes, Jennifer Lawrence wore it better, sorry A). But my self-worth was restored by a foreign lady (who sounded like my former boss--Eastern European) who approached me at the end of the day to tell me "I see you take photo at cascade. Chinese girl take photo of you at Cascade. Such stunning photo. Oh, wonderful!" Naturally, I interpreted this as "YOU ARE SUCH A BEAUTIFUL YOUNG WOMAN, YOU COULD BE A MODEL, SERIOUSLY." A good day, indeed! If Mr. Darcy were real, he would have been like:

Whoever made this GIF... the world owes you, big time

Anyway, the walk with the sheep and their business and the tour of the house itself took longer than expected, so I had to hurry my way through the rest of the it.

This meant that I didn't have time for lunch or even tea, so I was absolutely dehydrated and with a massive headache. But no, this was the dream, and nothing was going to stop me!!!!! And I'm mighty glad it didn't because the beauty and the splendor of the whole thing was worth that headache and more.

The Cascade from the house

the library

Morton Pond

The maze

When I arrived at the maze, I thought I was an intelligent human being. When I left, thirty minutes later, without being able to complete the maze (not even get halfway into the middle of it), I left feeling the same way I would feel during my Theory of the Novel seminars----

Even children made it to the middle. I could hear them, laughing mockingly at me (or maybe just laughing and having a great time). I tried so hard. I promise. I went and went and ended up in the same spots, trapped, having to go back. I figured it was either saving my pride and finishing the maze or quitting and seeing the rest of the place. 

But truly, it was amazing. It was like being in the world of Jane Austen, like walking in the footsteps of Lizzie Bennet. I just needed to run into my Mr. Darcy--but all in good time.