Alas, if you know anything about me, it is that my life is just not normal, and therefore the words "I met a guy" are not necessarily encouraging, but just an introduction to a tragically hilarious story. This is true, I'm afraid.
The truth is, there has been a guy--a crush, if you wish. Do I talk to him? Well, of course not--what kind of question is that? This is a guy with whom I had one conversation once. Five minutes and he walked away with my heart (yeah, I went there. They call me Lady Corniness). I was struck by his friendly personality, his charm, and just a light about him that seemed like kindness. Mom says he's not handsome but, to me, he's beautiful. He's also American (yes, I realize you were hoping for a Mr. Darcy but you know what--like my friend Elena said: "why would anyone want to marry Mr. Darcy? He is cripplingly shy." He's also super handsome (and stuck-up). Plus, American is a lot more convenient than bringing a British guy back to Texas who won't be able to work or do anything but sit around the house or work in my dad's lawn-mowing business).
I won't go anymore into deets, but you get the picture: silent, unrequited love fo' life. Happy Valentine's Day, ya'll!
Speaking of cripplingly shy: My name is Cristina and I am mentally challenged to talk to a guy I like.
Case and point: the other day I went to the supermarket with my flatmates. As I was browsing the cheese section, I noticed two people from the corner of my eye--a man and a woman. Guess who the man was? YUP. But that's not all. Remember we had just arrived at the store five minutes before. I only had one product in my shopping cart at this point--the centerpiece of my shame. Let me give you a hint: this product made a special appearance on my flight back to Durham after Christmas.
Yes, you guessed it. So as I realized who it was that was looking down at my lovely pack of maxipads, I entered panic mode.
I kept my head down and RAN, RAN FOR MY DEAR LIFE. Then I went through a thousand six hundred and eighty-three aisles and grabbed as much stuff as I needed to cover that which is an atrocity Always™.
Then I resumed my orderly shopping and eventually ran into these people again, but now it was game-on because I had nothing to be ashamed of (except my ridiculous hat that I was still wearing... inside the store).
"Oh, hi!"
"Hey! How are you?"
"Fine, how are you?"
"Ok. Do you live around here?"
"Oh no, I have a flatmate with a car, so when he comes to the store, we all come with him."
"Oh... that's terrible..."
"No, he doesn't mind..."
After a few seconds of awkward silence, he resumed his shopping.
Naturally, the moment it was over, I could think of ten billion things to say: did you go home for the holidays? How was the Polar Vortex? Would you marry me?
But instead, I sounded like a horrible person who uses other people to get rides to stores (which is not entirely untrue--sorry, KK)
So, Happy Valentine's day to me, Queen of Awkwardness, Duchess of Forever Aloneness. Oh, here's something encouraging:
Time Magazine came up with this app that tells you the age you should marry based on how many facebook friends you have that are married and the median age in which they married. According to this sucker, I'm already two months behind. And here I was thinking that pain at the pit of my stomach was heartburn when all alone it was envy and loneliness.
But, in all seriousness, don't you worry about me. I am very happy in my singlehood. I embrace it fully knowing that it's what's meant to be for the time being. It works out perfectly right now, and I much rather be single that have to settle for someone who won't let me be myself and do things like this:
Besides, God has given me great friends.
AND, well, there's God himself--I love that guy. In the past few weeks the Lord has granted me the gift of feeling in love with Him. Don't get me wrong, I love Him. But the thing about love, as you know, is that it is a choice of the will and it doesn't always feel like butterflies in your stomach. Yet you still love the person and you still care for them and you still want to make them happy and you would not wish for a time in your life when you were without that person.
It's the same with God. I love him, and I would NEVER wish to go back to the time when I seemingly had it all (by the world's standards) but in reality my life was empty because I didn't have him.
You don't understand--when I lost EVERYTHING I thought I had and was left with nothing, He rescued me. He took my hand and He healed my heart, little by little. It was a painful and long process and most of the time I was angry and stubborn about it, but He worked with me nevertheless. And even after all He has done for me I still fight Him and still get mad at Him at times (yes, I am basically the worst person you will ever meet), but I love him--imperfectly and insufficiently, but I do. And sometimes it's rough because you don't feel the love pounding in your chest, but you know it's still there and you hang onto your faith (which is not based in transitory feelings).
But when the Lord gives you the grace to feel in love with him, when you want to write Him poetry and dedicate a love song to Him, the Lover of your heart, then it's a pretty special place to be in, spiritually and emotionally.
So I'm ok. I got the one and only Creator of the universe as my Valentine's date. He is the best and, in truth, is the love of my life. My hope is that one day you may feel that. If you haven't or if you think I am delusional and out of my mind--well, I am, in the best possible way. And I ask you to challenge that "non-existent divinity" to prove to you that He is what your soul has been searching for since you came into being.
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